THE FIRST BLOG

Hari ni saya nak bercerita tentang cemburu.Tahu tak sebenarnya cemburu itu apa?Perlu ke nak cemburu tu?Saya tak nak komen lebih ..sebab kadang-kadang rasa cemburu itu datang tanpa diundang.Walaupun dah ditepis-tepis but still melekat kat perasaan sendiri..haihh (-.-")

As i would like to say, jealousy is not a single emotion, but actually it is a whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Mix feelings that might contain anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness, paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling inadequate, or just feeling excluded. Apabila ada rasa cemburu, apa sebenarnya yang kamu rasa? Apabila cuba mengetahui punca rasa cemburu itu, tahu ke bahawa dengan mengenali component yang mungkin ada dalam perasaan cemburu itu boleh membantu dalam menyelesaikan masalah? ~ye ke boleh selesaikan masalah,ke tambah lagi..ahakz~ Adakah selamanya atau korang sentiasa rasa that mix feelings you have is always the same or does the mix feelings bertukar dari masa ke semasa bergantung kepada keadaan yang melanda?

Sebagai contoh, seorang perempuan boleh tau yang rasa cemburu yang dia rasa time tu ~kata lah orang tersayang dia gi dok bergurau senda dengan girl lain (istilah 'flirting' lebih sesuai) atau bertegur sapa dengan mesranya dan bila ditanya dapat jawapan "hey..tu tak ada apa apa, hanya merapatkan silaturahim" or "tegur je, bukan nya ajak dating" (-.-") ~ boleh jadi rasa cemburu itu timbul dari 40% marah, 30% rasa takut atau insecure, 20% betrayed dan lagi 20% rasa tak terdaya or powerless untuk menghalang atau berbuat apa apa towards that situation. However, to control this, when a woman asked her partner for reassurance and affection, and he provided it, the feeling of anger and betrayal disappeared, then her jealousy might more manageable, because most of what was left was fear and she could express those feelings more easily to her partner and resolve them together..easy isn't it? daripada kena sabar je or pendam je and things might get worse tanpa disedari, tau tau je nak 'meletup' n probably jadi 'psycho' (+__+") sighh..

Jealousy is all about fear..is it? ~takut apa.. (=.=")~

Penting untuk tahu dan juga faham kenapa cemburu itu terjadi and some says that jealousy is about fear, fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment, fear for everything .. Itu menggambarkan tentang our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover,friends, doubts about our desirability or everything that might come up and bumm! the jealousy appear...Sebenarnya,untuk setiap rasa cemburu itu ada terselindung di sebaliknya as a much more significant emotion iaitu unmet need or a deep fear that our needs will not be met.

For example..hmm..kata lah si mamat ni believed in open relationship and his official partner/girlfriend -si minah- agree to acccept that kind of relationship so that diorang mcam tak 'terikat' to each other walaupun memang 'terikat'..faham tak?macam contoh si mamat ni boleh buat apa dia nak -dari on phone with other girl (i mean seriously 'gayut', if you know what i mean), flirting or get naughty bila lepak dengan kawan kawan lelaki (flirting beramai ramai), atau keep in touch dalam social network like friendster,myspace or facebook, etc- and tak kisah jika si minah lakukan yang serupa juga (maybe!) but somehow he became insanely jealous when his official girlfriend -si minah- baru kenal a guy dari facebook and that guy nak belanja dia aiskrim kon Mcd yang comel tu yang harga seringgit lebih dan ada rasa vanilla letak topping coklat (-.-") Isn't it feel awkward? Baru nak makan aiskrim free kot dah dicemburu ~dicemburu?apa nya tatabahasa tu?~ kalau nak banding dengan apa yang si boyfriend buat..kan kan..kan. ~itu sebagai contoh sahaja..tiada kena mengena dengan yang bercouple atau tidak.harap maklum,jangan saman saya *tiba tiba*~ tapi, ketahui lah bahawasanya apa yang di rasa oleh si mamat itu disebalik rasa cemburu itu adalah feeling of scarcity and deprivation or just felt threatened with the commitment they have.

Anyway, recognizing those fears and unmet needs is the key to unmasking jealousy and taking away its power as jealousy is just the finger to point at the fears and needs we are afraid to face. When jealousy kicks in, our very survival instinct is threatened. Bila rasa cemburu, cuba tanya diri sendiri ~kalau sempat sebelum 'meletup' lah kan~ "Apa sebenarnya yang aku takutkan?" or "What do I need to make this situation safe for me?" or "What is the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?" or "Am i ready to face this kind of situation or i just be paranoid" or "Hey,patut ke aku buat sesuatu atau biarkan dahulu" or "I boleh trust him,isn't it?" or "Kata cool, mesti boleh sabar kan?" atau "Kenapa mesti nak fikir negatif, boley try fikir positif kan?" atau "Aku gila geram sekarang dan boleh tak i just go straight to that girl and ask her what's her problem before i do something unimagine to her?" ~sila abaikan soalan terakhir tu..it is out of the stable emotions (=.=")~

Cemburu itu terbit dari kepercayaan/our core beliefs yang..lu pikir la sendiri..
is it real?

Kepercayaan/core belief#1

If my partner really loved me, (s)he wouldn't have any desire for a relationship with anyone else. "Sebab dah sayang/cinta, mesti kat aku seorang kan"=>selalu nya perempuan.

This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much (s)he loves you. That's how people often put their judgement towards the jealousy.It's a quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. When you break it down, this is as absurd as saying like "dah dapat yang baru, yang lama tolak tepi" ..haiss..

Kepercayaan/core belief#2

Kayakinan yang melampau ~from my point of view~. Contoh (lebih kurang macam example yang saya ceritakan tadi about open relationship between si mamat and si minah), "My relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience other relationships freely (konon konon nya!) as my partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy." For me..POYO!! HELL NO! haha..mungkin sebab saya lahir di Malaysia dan dah dibentuk ikut budaya Melayu yang "hey, aku untuk kau dan kau untuk aku,tiada orang ketiga atau keempat atau yang ke berapa sebab kalau ada memang siap orang itu aku kerjakan"..erk (-.-") .Tapi kalau luar negara maybe lah perkara mcam ni diorang tak berapa nak kisah kan..tengok lah..sesuka hati je tak kahwin tapi tinggal serumah macam laki bini but then somehow weekend keluar gi flirting dekat pub ke mana mana..no offense. Pendapat sendiri sahaja.

Kepercayaan/core belief#3

"There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love." or some sort "Sekarang dunia dah berubah, lagipun nisbah perempuan dan lelaki dah macam 7:1. perempuan 7,lelaki 1 jadi tak mengapa kalau lelaki sayang perempuan ramai sebab kesian kat perempuan yang tak disayang tu.." sigghh (+__+")

-> Hello!! tu macam ayat ayat playboy je nak selamatkan diri. Amboi amboi..banyak cinta banyak orang kau nak sayang ye..ketuk kepala kang! Walaupun hakikat yang this kind of beliefs sound so strange, mengundang kepelik'an terhadap sesiapa yang mendengar and almost laughable to us but it is shows that just how deeply the old paradigm beliefs about love and relationships are ingrained in our consciousness.It also underscores the importance of dissolving these old beliefs if we ever hope to enjoy multiple relationships free of jealousy.Tetapi..back to the Malay culture, boleh terima ke tu?haha..sila sila..tampil ke hadapan memberi komen anda..tapi bagi saya tak kot..belum lagi kot..ahaha..boleh tak macam tu? (n.n)

Jealousy triggers.. can you recognize it?

When you discover exactly what triggers your jealousy, it puts things in perspective. Should we say realizing that you are only jealous of a small piece of the overall picture makes it much more manageable. Macam bak kata lelaki lelaki di luar sana yang girlfriend atau perempuan dalam hidup mereka yang cemburu, sebab hal kecil je dah cemburu. Hal kecil tapi di besar-besarkan. (-.-"). Apabila dah identify your jealousy triggers, ada dua basic choices you can use that is you can "engineer the problem away" ~bukan terus walking away ok~ by making agreements with your partner to avoid that particular behavior or situation or you can use the "phobia model", taking the risk of gradually exposing yourself to situations which trigger your jealousy in the hopes that you will learn to tolerate and eventually feel comfortable with it, belajar untuk menerima bak kata orang.Dah jadi baru tau macam mana nak handle..aha.Tapi jangan la saja cari pasal atau mencabar kesabaran your partner/spouse ye.Tiap orang ada their own limitations and acceptions. Dua cara yang mungkin boleh membantu anda di luar sana mengawal keadaan dan juga perasaan cemburu itu.

Anyway..just bear in mind that without love and passion to care, there will be no jealousy so bagi sesiapa yang pernah rasa cemburu atau dicemburu oleh pasangan anda, you should just be grateful about it as long it is not harmful to you or anyone else.Daripada rasa alone, lonely dan tak ada sesiapa kisah kau nak jadi apa, dah makan ke sihat ke ..kan kan.. tapi cemburu buta bahaya,sila elakkan. ~tapi kalau ada yang melebih-lebih sama ada pasangan anda atau orang ketiga itu sila make your move atau bagi dia dengar lagu Don't Mess With My Man by Nivea sebelum anda lakukan apa apa out of ordinary (x__x") *tiba-tiba psycho*~

p/s: saya ada entry lirik lagu itu..sila check di older posts ye.Nak lagu tu cari sendiri.Kalau tak dapat,baru bagitau nanti saya upload dalam blog ni.tq.