THE FIRST BLOG

For a long time I am trying to be a good girl , good enough for you so that you can be proud of what you have -that is, me- but instead you keep saying that I am not so I make my conclusion that is why hatred is a must especially when it comes to cover the pain in a heart.

I am not saying I am good and that I'm a perfect girl ,I just want you to remember that I am just living the pieces of my life as long as I can breath here..

While the moments are good, you promised me forever, you promised me we will stay together and you promised me even if we're not, there will never be hatred in heart.

I am that girl with hopes as I am the one who love to be loved, who love sharing what's in her mind, who want to be happy for all time despite what had happen in her miserable life.

I thought if you knew, you could understand and I thought you will change for good because again, I thought you will never be like the one who hurting me but in the end, you do.

Maybe you forgot of what you've said to me many times, that I am not good for you, that you would be happy if I am not in your life in the first place, that you would be glad if I am replaced by someone better, that I am not the girl you wanna be with as you prefer the other girl that can make you smile, etc.

You said a lot of things that hurting me and you said you did that because I am the one who hurting you first so I take it as a prove and also as a sign that I am failed to make you happy, that I am hurting you in the way I never expected it to be, that I should take the burden away from you and therefore, I should do something
to take the pain in me away and yours too.

I said to myself, this is the time where creating hatred in one's heart is a must, to cover the pain in a heart and to keep the memories fall back behind in past so that tears will never drop in front of us.

There you go.
For that, I would like to say :

Thank you for saying I'm a hypocrite
Thank you for saying I'm a liar
Thank you for saying she is so much better
Thank you for laughing at my tears
Thank you for not stopping to impress me with her
Thank you for criticized me for all my doings when you're not there
Thank you for stalking me with your hatred feels
Thank you for insulting me constantly
Thank you for the every word u said
Thank you for proving that you just can't get enough with me.