THE FIRST BLOG

Sempena bulan dan hari Kemerdekaan ni
saya dapat cuti dari hari Jumaat sampai Selasa
jadi dengan itu menghabiskan waktu di rumah parent tercinta
lepak'ing di bilik favourite saya..ahh..I'm home. (^.^)

I guess rumah belakang ni

mesti baru dapat baby

because all the time je mesti dengar

baby merengek ..menangis..

alahaii...comel je..

naluri keibuan membuak-buak..haha

Lepas tu boleh pula baca berita
orang buang baby..
perghh..siap main sangkut je kat papan tanda
baby tu dalam paper bag..kalau paper bag tu koyak macam mana?
kurang ajar betul..

dia ingat macam sangkut teh tarik bungkus ke apa?

haih..nak maki pun buat tambah dosa je..

kesian baby tu

comel je pun

baby lelaki pula tu..

dah lah lelaki zaman sekarang makin sikit..

ni ada baby lelaki lagi nak buang-buang ke..

entah lahhh..

berita dalam Harian Metro

For that,

I realized that

sometimes I felt I am so ready..

ready to be a wifey and a mummy...

ahakz..

*my dear..alert that statement..ngee*

*can you feel it..haih.. (",)*

ya...I know..

mesti semua orang cakap..

"rileks dulu...muda lagi"

or

"laaa...belajar pun tak habis lagi sibuk hal tu.."

or

"betul ke dah bersedia"

or

"dah habis enjoy ke"..

etc..etc.. *tutup telinga..haha*

hello..kalau nak diikutkan

sampai kita mati pun takkan pernah habis

untuk belajar kan..kan ..kan..

so jangan la nak jadikan belajar tu sebagai penghalang

untuk kebahagiaan yang kita harapkan..an..ececehhh..ehe..

haa..about enjoy living your life being single,

already enjoyed it much.pass...haha.

and about either you prepared enough for

this kind of commitment,

just a word from me..

"TRY ME".. *tu 2 word ke or a word..ahakz..bantai*

ya I'm sure I'm ready..

soooo ready...ahaha.

*ready dari segi diri sendiri la..

fizikal dan mental.

tapi dari segi kewangan..on the way kot..haha*

(n.n)

Ini kerana

through my observation

my mum boleh je further study

eventhough dah kahwin..

dan ada 2 orang anak yang sangat manja

dan sangat asyik nak perhatian

and my dad siap bagi support lagi ..huhu

but,when it comes to my turn

as unexpected..the answer is no.

along with the supported reason such as

habiskan dulu belajar, dapat degree..

tak ada susah nak study nak jaga laki jaga anak..

etc..etc.. *tutup telinga lagi..haha*

huu..ye..saya yang menurut perintah. T.T

jadi angan-angan kahwin pada umur 21 dibatalkan..erk.

Anyway,

mungkin untuk waktu ini

sememangnya tidak sesuai untuk dapat hal-hal seperti itu.

ye lah..

kerja tetap tak lagi

duit tak banyak lagi

rumah sendiri belum ada lagi

kereta sendiri pun tak beli-beli lagi

macam mana nak ada baby dan

beli barang keperluan yang semakin mahal kini..

takkan nak harap je pada laki ..

huhu..not that kind of girl..if you know me..ahakz

heyy..I still want my own asset..

apa-apa jadi at leaast I can survive on my own..

perlu tu..wajib wajib.. (0.o)

tapi kan..

*teruskan berangan*

insyaallah..

dah kahwin..

jadi wifey yang solehah..ececehh

dan tunggu tanda-tanda yang menggembirakan

pergi check kat doktor..

then dapat berita itu...

tunggu hubby balik dari kerja

dan surprise him by saying/whispering to him that..

"my love hubby..you're a great man

and I'm sure you're gonna be a great dad too.."

sambil tangan dia letak kat my tummy..

*time tu ikat reben kat perut camni ok tak..

tapi sure tummy still leper lagi kan..not yet muncit..ehe*

wahhh...mesti dia happy kan..

kalau dia dapat tangkap maksud yang I nak sampaikan

yang I pregnant sebenarnya..

jangan sebab dia penat balik dari kerja

dan respon dia adalah .."hah?"

atau "kenapa ni..sakit perut ke"

adeii laa.. (-.-")

memang cepukk dia..haha..

lepas tu..

tengok kalendar

dan mula menghitung hari dan tarikh..

dan membayangkan tumbesaran baby itu

dan juga tumbesaran badan ku..ahakz

*for sure my body will look far more sexy than this.. okey..ngee*

Nak tahu tak apa yang best nya tentang mengandung/pregnant?

ialah..kita boleh keluar rumah

kelihatan dengan perut muncit

tanpa perlu rasa bersalah

atau nak kempiskan perut

setiap kali perasan ada orang tenung perut kita..haha

atau bila orang cakap.."hey..awak dah nampak makin gemuk lah"

dan kita dengan selamber nya boleh jawab..

"haah..ada 'isi'..makan banyak pun untuk baby ni"

haha..padahal yang melantak lebih diri sendiri..

put blame on the baby.. (^.^)

macam ni lebih kurang..

*tapi badan tetap kena maintain ...

harus maintain..ahaha*

dan hari demi hari berlalu..

peyut yang muncit semakin muncit

seperti ini..

*cincin saya seharusnya lebih vouge dari cincin itu..tq*

jadi dah boleh pergi check dan scan

untuk mengetahui perkembangan

atau pun sebab dah tak sabar-sabar

nak tengok muka baby

dan badannya

atau jantinanya..

*ada serupa tak gambar selepas dan sebelum?*

but for me..

lagi best kot kalau tak tahu jantina baby

baru lah surprise kan

dah keluar dari peyut

baru tahu lelaki ke perempuan..

bila doktor yang sambut tu beritahu..

"tahniah! awak dapat anak __*sila isi tempat kosong*__"

haa..kan kan..best tak..ehe :-D

wahhh...impian..ahakz

tu baru anak seorang..

kalau dapat kembar dua..?

kembar tiga?wahhhhh...

best best..

kalau kembar dua..

kedudukan diorang dalam peyut camni kot

*wuu..I'm touched*

masa nak bersalin tu

boleh cakap kat baby sambil usap peyut

"baby..nak keluar jangan berebut ea..

kesian kat mummy..

nak meneran awak lagi

pintu keluar untuk awak tu dah lah tak besar..huhu"

kalau kembar tiga..

berderet susun macam ni

*alala..I'm melting..isk*

Tapi kan..

bila baca-baca info tentang kembar ni

macam-macam kot yang patut ambil tahu..

ok..ni sedikit sebanyak info tentang kehamilan kembar..

*ni kembar Dizygotic (DZ)*

Kembar jenis ini selalunya dipanggil sebagai kembar fraternal. Ia terjadi kerana 2 sperma yang berlainan membuahi 2 telur ovum yang berlainan. Kembar ini mempunyai kantung ketuban sendiri dan juga plasenta masing-masing. Tidak berkongsi antara satu sama lain. Disebabkan kembar jenis ini mempunyai 2 set membran pada kantung ketuban mereka (one inner amnion layer and one outer chorion layer), mereka juga dikenali sebagai 'diamnotic,dichorionic'. 2 proses pembuahan dalam 1 kehamilan.

*ni kembar Monozygotic (MZ)'*

Dalam 1-3 kes kehamilan kembar, 1 sperma akan membuahi 1 telur tetapi ia akan berpisah kepada 2 embrio dan ini lah terjadinya kembar jenis Monozygotic (MZ). Kembar jenis ini selalunya akan menjadi kembar seiras kerana mempunyai gen yang sama. Kembar ini akan kelihatan seperti kembar fraternal kerana ia masih dalam kantung ketuban dan plasenta yang berasingan.

Akan tetapi, dalam beberapa kes setiap bayi itu berada dalam kantung ketuban yang berasingan namun berkongsi plasenta yang sama.Kembar jenis ini dikenali sebagai 'monochorionic,diamniotic' kerana adanya satu lapisan nipis antara kantung ketuban kembar itu tetapi akan hanya ada satu lapisan luaran (chorion) meliputi kedua-dua kantung ketuban. Kembar jenis ini selalunya terjadi, jika dikira nisbahnya, sekali dalam 360 kehamilan. Tambahan pula kembar monochorionic mempunyai risiko tinggi untuk mengalami komplikasi memandangkan merkea berkongsi plasenta yang sama.

Manakala kurang dari 1 peratus dari kembar seiras (lebih kurang 1 dalam setiap 2,400 kehamilan) akan mempunyai 1 kantung ketuban dan 1 plasenta untuk kedua-dua bayi kembar itu. Ini merujuk kepada kembar yang dikenali sebagai 'asmonchorionic,monoamniotic'. Kembar jenis ini berisiko tinggi untuk kegagalan kehamilan kerana selalunya akibat dari tali pusat yang terbelit pada bayi dalam kandungan.

Okay..itu sedikit sebanyak yang saya tahu dan faham untuk terangkan.

Kalau salah, maafkan saya kerana saya bukan ambil bidang doktor ke apa..

jadi pandangan dan pengetahuan anda di luar sana tu amat lah dihargai

sekiranya boleh berkongsi dengan kami di sini.. (@.@)

Selepas ini..

nak tengok gambar-gambar baby

dan preggy mum..

kemudian sahur..

kemudian tidur..

hope mimpi yang indah..

(n.n)

Apabila dia,

Hari-hari berlalu yang dilewati seakan sudah bertahun lamanya, namun yang perlu diakui ialah ianya baru beberapa minggu lalu. Iya, hanya beberapa minggu lalu. Berita itu aku sambut dengan hati yang diusahakan untuk berlapang dada. Benar, aku berusaha berlapang dada. Terkadang, terasa nusrah Ilahi begitu hampir saat kita benar-benar berada di tepi tebing, tunggu saat untuk menjunam jatuh ke dalam gaung. Maha Suci Allah yang mengangkat aku, meletakkan aku kembali di jalan tarbiyyah dan terus memimpin untukku melangkah dengan tabah.

Aku hanya seorang Insyirah. Tiada kelebihan yang teristimewa, tidak juga punya apa-apa yang begitu menonjol. Jalan ku juga dua kaki, lihat ku juga menggunakan mata, sama seperti manusia lain yang menumpang di bumi Allah ini. Aku tidak buta, tidak juga tuli mahupun bisu. Aku bisa melihat dengan sepasang mata pinjaman Allah, aku bisa mendengar dengan sepasang telinga pinjaman Allah juga aku bisa bercakap dengan lidahku yang lembut tidak bertulang. Sama seperti manusia lain.

Aku bukan seperti bondanya Syeikh Qadir al-Jailani, aku juga tidak sehebat srikandi Sayyidah Khadijah dalam berbakti, aku bukan sebaik Sayyidah Fatimah yang setia menjadi pengiring ayahanda dalam setiap langkah perjuangan memartabatkan Islam. Aku hanya seorang Insyirah yang sedang mengembara di bumi Tuhan, jalanku kelak juga sama... Negeri Barzakh, insya Allah. Destinasi aku juga sama seperti kalian, Negeri Abadi. Tiada keraguan dalam perkara ini.

Sejak dari hari istimewa tersebut, ramai sahabiah yang memuji wajahku berseri dan mereka yakin benar aku sudah dikhitbah apabila melihat kedua tangan ku memakai cincin di jari manis. Aku hanya tersenyum, tidak mengiyakan dan tidak pula menidakkan. Diam ku bukan membuka pintu-pintu soalan yang maha banyak, tetapi diam ku kerana aku belum mampu memperkenalkan insan itu. Sehingga kini, aku tetap setia dalam penantian.


Ibu bertanyakan soalan yang sewajarnya aku jawab dengan penuh tatasusila.

"Hari menikah nanti nak pakai baju warna apa?"

Aku menjawab tenang.. "Warna putih, bersih..."

"Alhamdulillah, ibu akan usahakan dalam tempoh terdekat."

"Ibu, 4 meter sudah cukup untuk sepasang jubah. Jangan berlebihan."

Ibu angguk perlahan.

Beberapa hari ini, aku menyelak satu per satu... helaian demi helaian naskhah yang begitu menyentuh nubari aku sebagai hamba Allah. Malam Pertama... Sukar sekali aku ungkapkan perasaan yang bersarang, mahu saja aku menangis semahunya tetapi sudah aku ikrarkan, biarlah Allah juga yang menetapkan tarikhnya kerana aku akan sabar menanti hari bahagia tersebut. Mudah-mudahan aku terus melangkah tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Mudah-mudahan ya Allah.

Sejak hari pertunangan itu, aku semakin banyak mengulang al-Quran. Aku mahu sebelum tibanya hari yang aku nantikan itu, aku sudah khatam al-Quran, setidak-tidaknya nanti hatiku akan tenang dengan kalamullah yang sudah meresap ke dalam darah yang mengalir dalam tubuh. Mudah-mudahan aku tenang... As-Syifa' aku adalah al-Quran, yang setia menemani dalam resah aku menanti. Benar, aku sedang memujuk gelora hati. Mahu pecah jantung menanti detik pernikahan tersebut, begini rasanya orang-orang yang mendahului.


"Kak Insyirah, siapa tunang akak? Mesti hebat orangnya. Kacak tak?"

Aku tersenyum, mengulum sendiri setiap rasa yang singgah. Maaf, aku masih mahu merahsiakan tentang perkara itu. Cukup mereka membuat penilaian sendiri bahawa aku sudah bertunang, kebenarannya itu antara aku dan keluarga.

"Insya Allah, 'dia' tiada rupa tetapi sangat mendekatkan akak dengan Allah. Itu yang paling utama."

Berita itu juga buat beberapa orang menjauhkan diri dariku. Kata mereka, aku senyapkan sesuatu yang perlu diraikan. Aku tersenyum lagi.

"Jangan lupa jemput ana di hari menikahnya, jangan lupa!"

Aku hanya tersenyum entah sekian kalinya. Apa yang mampu aku zahirkan ialah senyuman dan terus tersenyum. Mereka mengandai aku sedang berbahagia apabila sudah dikhitbahkan dengan 'dia' yang mendekatkan aku dengan Allah. Sahabiah juga merasa kehilangan ku apabila setiap waktu terluang aku habiskan masa dengan as-Syifa' ku al-Quran, tidak lain kerana aku mahu kalamullah meresap dalam darahku, agar ketenangan akan menyelinap dalam setiap derap nafas ku menanti hari itu.

"Bila enti menikah?"

Aku tiada jawapan khusus.

"Insya Allah, tiba waktunya nanti enti akan tahu..." Aku masih menyimpan tarikh keramat itu, bukan aku sengaja tetapi memang benar aku sendiri tidak tahu bila tarikhnya.

"Jemput ana tau!" Khalilah tersenyum megah.

"Kalau enti tak datang pun ana tak berkecil hati, doakan ana banyak-banyak!" Itu saja pesanku. Aku juga tidak tahu di mana mahu melangsungkan pernikahan ku, aduh semuanya menjadi tanda tanya sendiri. Diam dan terus berdiam membuatkan ramai insan berkecil hati.

"Insya Allah, kalian PASTI akan tahu bila sampai waktunya nanti..."

Rahsia ku adalah rahsia Allah, kerana itu aku tidak mampu memberikan tarikhnya. Cuma, hanya termampu aku menyiapkan diri sebaiknya. Untung aku dilamar dan dikhitbah dahulu tanpa menikah secara terkejut seperti orang lain. Semuanya aku sedaya upaya siapkan, baju menikahnya, dan aku katakan sekali lagi kepada ibu...

"Usah berlebihan ya..."

Ibu angguk perlahan dan terus berlalu, hilang dari pandangan mata.

"Insyirah, jom makan!"

Aku tersenyum lagi... Akhir-akhir ini aku begitu pemurah dengan senyuman.

"Tafaddal, ana puasa."

Sahabiah juga semakin galak mengusik.

"Wah, Insyirah diet ya. Maklumlah hari bahagia dah dekat... Tarikhnya tak tetap lagi ke?"

"Bukan diet, mahu mengosongkan perut. Maaf, tarikhnya belum ditetapkan lagi."

Sehingga kini, aku tidak tahu bila tarikhnya yang pasti. Maafkan aku sahabat, bersabarlah menanti hari tersebut. Aku juga menanti dengan penuh debaran, moga aku bersedia untuk hari pernikahan tersebut dan terus mengecap bahagia sepanjang alam berumahtangga kelak. Doakan aku, itu sahaja.

.......................................

"innalillahi wainna ilaihi rajiun..."

"Tenangnya... Subhanallah. Allahuakbar."

"Ya Allah, tenangnya..."

"Moga Allah memberkatinya...."

Allah, itu suara sahabat-sahabat ku, teman-teman seperjuangan aku pada ibu.

Akhirnya, aku selamat dinikahkan setelah sabar dalam penantian. Sahabiah ramai yang datang di majlis walimah walaupun aku tidak menjemput sendiri.

Akhirnya, mereka ketahui sosok 'dia' yang mendekatkan aku kepada Allah.
Akhirnya, mereka kenali sosok 'dia' yang aku rahsiakan dari pengetahuan umum.
Akhirnya, mereka sama-sama mengambil 'ibrah dari sosok 'dia' yang mengkhitbah ku.

Dalam sedar tidak sedar...

Hampir setiap malam sebelum menjelang hari pernikahan ku... Sentiasa ada suara sayu yang menangis sendu di hening malam, dalam sujud, dalam rafa'nya pada Rabbi, dalam sembahnya pada Ilahi. Sayup-sayup hatinya merintih. Air matanya mengalir deras, hanya Tuhan yang tahu.



"Ya Allah, telah Engkau tunangkan aku tidak lain dengan 'dia' yang mendekatkan dengan Engkau. Yang menyedarkan aku untuk selalu berpuasa, yang menyedarkan aku tentang dunia sementara, yang menyedarkan aku tentang alam akhirat. Engkau satukan kami dalam majlis yang Engkau redhai, aku hamba Mu yang tak punya apa-apa selain Engkau sebagai sandaran harapan. Engkau maha mengetahui apa yang tidak aku ketahui..."


Akhirnya, Khalilah bertanya kepada ibu beberapa minggu kemudian...

"Insyirah bertunang dengan siapa, mak cik?"

Ibu tenang menjawab... "Dengan kematian wahai anakku. Kanser tulang yang mulanya hanya pada tulang belakang sudah merebak dengan cepat pada tangan, kaki juga otaknya. Kata doktor, Insyirah hanya punya beberapa minggu sahaja sebelum kansernya membunuh."

"Allahuakbar..." Terduduk Khalilah mendengar, air matanya tak mampu ditahan.

"Buku yang sering dibacanya itu, malam pertama..."

Ibu angguk, tersenyum lembut... "Ini nak, bukunya." Senaskah buku bertukar tangan, karangan Dr 'Aidh Abdullah al-Qarni tertera tajuk 'Malam Pertama di Alam Kubur'.

"Ya Allah, patut la Insyirah selalu menangis... Khalilah tak tahu mak cik."

"Dan sejak dari hari 'khitbah' tersebut, selalu Insyirah mahu berpuasa. Katanya mahu mengosongkan perut, mudah untuk dimandikan..."

Khalilah masih kaku. Tiada suara yang terlontar. Matanya basah menatap kalam dari diari Insyirah yang diberikan oleh ibu.

"Satu cincin ini aku pakai sebagai tanda aku di risik oleh MAUT. Dan satu cincin ini aku pakai sebagai tanda aku sudah bertunang dengan MAUT. Dan aku akan sabar menanti tarikhnya dengan mendekatkan diri ku kepada ALLAH. Aku tahu ibu akan tenang menghadapinya, kerana ibuku bernama Ummu Sulaim, baginya anak adalah pinjaman dari ALLAH yang perlu dipulangkan apabila ALLAH meminta. Dan ibu mengambil 'ibrah bukan dari namanya (Ummu Sulaim) malah akhlaqnya sekali. Ummu Sulaim, seteguh dan setabah hati seorang ibu."

* Kisah ini bukan kisah ana (Insyirah), ianya kisah KITA (semua yang sedang membaca) *

Mulai hari ini, jangan bersoal tika melihat ana memakai cincin. Kerana, ana sudah bertunang! Bertunang dengan kematian, tidak tahu bila ana akan dinikahkan dan tidak tahu bagaimana rezeki di malam pertama. Tetapi, sekurang-kurangnya apabila sudah dirisik dan bertunang, kita sama-sama akan mempersiapkan diri sebaik-baiknya walaupun bukan yang terbaik untuk hari pernikahan dengan KEMATIAN. Wallahua'lam.

Cukuplah kematian itu mengingatkan kita... Cukuplah kita sedar kita akan berpisah dengan segala nikmat dunia. Cukuplah kita sedar bahawa ada hari yang lebih kekal, oleh itu sentiasalah berwaspada. Bimbang menikah tergesa-gesa, tahu-tahu sudah disanding dan diarak seluruh kampung walau hanya dengan sehelai kain putih tak berharga.

*Setidak-tidaknya, Insyirah (watak di atas) sudah 'membeli' baju pernikahannya.....

Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan
Kali ini penuh makna
Agar dapat kulalui
Dengan sempurna

Selangkah demi selangkah
Setahun sudah pun berlalu
Masa yang pantas berlalu
Hingga tak terasa ku berada
Di bulan Ramadhan semula

Puasa satu amalan
Sebagaimana yang diperintahNya
Moga dapat ku lenturkan
Nafsu yang selalu membelenggu diri
Tiada henti-henti

Tak ingin ku biarkan Ramadhan berlalu saja
Tuhan pimpinlah daku yang lemah
Mengharungi segalanya dengan sabar
Kita memohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan
Ku merayu pada Tuhan diterima amalan

Selangkah demi selangkah...
Dengan rahmatMu oh Tuhanku...
Ku tempuh jua

saya sangat letih hari ini

STEPS:
They might say they're your 'best friends' , but the moment your back is turned, they lie about you to others. No one wants to be hurt in this way, but how do deal with them?. Perhaps the following tips can help.

All backstabbers share a common denominator; they all want something from you. Whether it is money, homework, a house to trash, your computer, your style, practically anything, varies from person to person.

Be aware of your surroundings. If you have a bad feeling about somebody, listen to your instincts!

Pay attention to red flags.

* If somebody betrays you, don't trust that person again without extensive consideration.
* If the other person doesn't have friends of his or her own, there may be a reason. Perhaps other people know something that you don't.
* If someone is mean to you one minute and nice to you the next, there is definitely something wrong.
* If someone is too aggressive or tries too hard to sell you on something, he or she is likely setting you up.
* Trust your real friends. They're here to help you.
* Notice the other person's work ethic. If he or she is lazy and irresponsible, stay away from the person as far as anything that requires hard work goes. If you work hard, he or she will use you in a heartbeat!

Notice how she treats things you care about. For instance if you really care that your room is clean, and after you've explained this to her she still comes over, throws her backpack on the ground, takes her shoes off in the middle of the room and so on.. this means she doesn't really care about you.

Try to detect from an early stage what the backstabber is interested in sucking from you.

If the backstabber persists in pestering you, either ignore her or tell her dispassionately that you do not want to do (any activity..etc). Be polite, but extremely firm. If they detect a weakness in your firmness, they will try as hard as they can to puncture it.


WARNING!!
* Never let the backstabber know that he/she has gotten to you.
* Do not underestimate her power. Try not to offend or hurt her, but be merely polite and refuse her anything he asks that you are not willing to give.
* Do not get angry when she backstabs you. Realize from the start it will happen eventually. Don't form any deep relationship with her. She'll suck you dry.
* And don't confront her, just smile knowingly and take action to prevent further damage.
* Be careful when you talk to backstabbers, they might be recording you.
* Don't talk to the backstabbers friends, they could be spies.

TIPS:
#Get away from these people as soon as possible and convince others not to associate with them. Just say that 'they aren't the best person to hang out with.' Take care if you choose to do that.
# Don't hesitate to ask questions. If somebody seems shady in any perspective, ask them about it but pay close attention to their answers. More often than not, they will try to pull one over you.
# There is a difference between friends and acquaintances. This means that even though she might be fun to talk at in classroom or at lunch, she might not be the kind of person you would like to hang out with after school.
# Don't rely on the backstabber for anything; even the tiniest of things. In this way, you will avoid situations where you owe him/her a favor. This technique takes patience, practice and goes completely against your better nature. The backstabber will get the hint and move on the next sucker/victim.
# Also do not tell them any secret that you want kept hidden, as they will tell it to another one of their "friends" the moment it will gain them something.
# Treat him/her like you would any other snake. Be polite when in his/her area but keep to the path, and maintain your distance.
# Make sure not to reduce to her level by saying untrue and bad things about her behind his back (this is a huge no-no!) as it will only spur her to action against you.
# Try to avoid revenge. This will create more problems. But if you simply have to get even, remember that the best revenge in this case would be hanging out with your best friends right in front of their face.

We all know somebody who is a doubletalker, a gossip and a generally untrustworthy person. They are cruel to their enemies and even meaner to their friends - only with the friends the mean streak only comes out when their backs are turned. This type of friend is all sweetness and sugar to people's faces but act ugly and spiteful behind their backs. We call people like this "backstabbers" because they sneak around portraying themselves as something they are not, a friend. Do you have one of these snakes in your life?

You always thought your “friend” was the one you can depend on, the rock you can build on, the shoulder you can cry on. It's all well and good, until the person you once called your friend starts to spread rumors and gossip about you behind your back. He or she calls you names, destroys your reputation, and does just about everything most friends would never do. Yes, your friend is a two-bit backstabber.

It always hurts to lose a friend, but it definitely hurts to be betrayed by people you trust. After all that you have done for your friend, and after all the good times you shared, you feel so used and manipulated by him or her. You're faced with so many problems and consequences once you end a friendship because of a backstabber, not to mention having to repair and restore your standing among other people. Here are some ways to help soften the blow dealt by a backstabber.

For the victim of this kind-of-situation..this is for you to know :

It's Not Your Fault

It's called “backstabbing” for a reason; betrayal feels like someone plunged a sharp, rusty knife deep in your back, gave you a pat on the back to dig it in deeper, and still called you his or her friend. Some people tend to feel that they're the ones to blame, like they haven't been paying enough attention to their friends, or that they did something wrong.

The important thing to remember is that you're the victim. You've been a good friend to the person who stabbed you in the back. You were genuine, upfront, and you had nothing to hide. It's all right to feel bad for yourself, but you shouldn't blame yourself for being betrayed. You're the one who's already suffering from your friend's betrayal, so you have every right to be mad and feel victimized.

Start at the Source

Nobody is born a backstabber, but there are many reasons why a person you once thought to be your friend can betray you. Get to the root of the problem: why did your friend betray the trust you had in him or her for so long? Some of the reasons can get quite ugly:

* Jealousy. Chances are that your friend is insanely jealous of you. Maybe you're more well-off, more popular with others, or that you're doing better in life than him or her. Some backstabbers feel that they're being treated like that “other friend,” and are not getting as much attention or respect as their other friends.
* Selfishness. Another common excuse for backstabbing is, “I did it for you.” Some people try to justify backstabbing, and say that they only did it to protect you from people who want to do you harm, or are up to no good. Chances are your friend is just trying to get away with backstabbing you.
* Somebody else made him or her do it. Two of the most common excuses a backstabber makes are, “I didn't know what I was doing,” or “Someone else made me do it.” While it's tempting to take the crocodile tears of your friend as genuine, don't believe a word of it.
Remember: he or she decided to freely and consciously betray your trust when he or she stabbed you in the back.

Demand an Explanation

Some people have problems breaking up a friendship, even if they were totally betrayed. They may feel that the memories of the good times they spent together are more important than a “squabble” like a betrayal. For most people, a betraying backstabbing friend should be dumped and thrown out at the soonest possible moment.

Make it clear that you're not “asking” for an explanation; rather, you are demanding it. You want closure to the issue so that you can move on with your lives, and at least save enough of your past friendship so that you can both maintain a civil relationship.

You Have the Right to Overreact

An insensitive backstabber will tell you that you're overreacting, or that because you overreacted, you're pretty much guilty of everything he or she said about you. No one can blame you if you're angry, or if you really blow your top off. After all, your own trusted friend was able to double-talk and make bad stories about you.

While it's your right to overreact, try to get a grip on yourself. It's OK to be mad, but try your very best not to be violent. Deal with the situation as peacefully and as diplomatically as you can. When you do overreact, settle down and don't make yourself look bad in front of other people. Your backstabber will try to bait you into proving that he or she is “right” about you.

Ignore the Backstabber

A backstabber craves for attention. He or she will do anything to prove that the lies he or she is spreading about you is true. If you pay too much attention to the lies your friend is spreading about you, the lies will come across as true to other people.

When you ignore the backstabber, you send a clear message to him or her: you are not dignifying his or her lies with a comment. You have more important things – and more important people – to attend to, than a backstabbing loser. Show him or her that you can go on with your life just fine, and that he or she means nothing more to you than excess baggage.

Restore Your Reputation

Many people realize that their friend is a backstabber only when the damage is already done. The lies your so-called friend has spread about you have already spread all over work or school. If he or she had it his or her way, then the lies have made their way all over town. When this happens, it's time for you to restore your reputation.

Restoring your reputation and standing will take a lot of time and hard work, especially if people believe the backstabber more than they believe you. Here are some ways that can help you restore the trust people have in you that was ruined by your backstabbing friend:

* Explain to them that your friend was spreading lies about you.
* Ask them if they would rather believe the backstabber, or if they would believe you.
* Show proof that you haven't been doing the things your friend is accusing you of. If your friend told friends and family that you don't pay your debts on time, show them documents, deeds, and receipts that show that you're financially stable.

The important thing to remember is that you shouldn't exert too much effort proving your backstabber wrong. Instead, your efforts should come across as genuine. You're not out to discredit your backstabber, but you're out to prove that you can be trusted. While it may seem wrong that you're restoring your standing on your own, there's pretty much nothing you can do. It may be too much trouble to ask your backstabber to take back everything he or she said about you.

Take It Up a Notch

Some backstabbers may damage your reputation so much that they can damage your standing in your community. Sometimes you have no other option than to go to court and file a suit for libel or slander. You don't have to sue your friend if it's a minor case, but if you can no longer do business with local establishment, or if your reputation is damaged enough that people no longer want to talk to you, you may need to take legal action.

Before you file a lawsuit for slander or malicious intent, you first need to consult with your lawyer. At best, you're going to claim damages, but you have to think twice. Not only would you add to the many cases already docked in courts, but you can also give yourself a major headache when the case does proceed.

Learn to Forgive

Not only do backstabbers cause a headache, but they can also cause heartache and grief. It's never an easy thing to lose a friend, especially if the loss could have been easily avoided. While you definitely have to move on with your life, you have to forgive your backstabber eventually. You don't need to take him or her back as a friend and start your friendship over, and it will definitely take time before you can learn to trust your friend again.

At the very least, you should find a way to maintain a civil and formal relationship with your backstabbing friend. You can't give each other the cold shoulder forever. You don't have to exchange hugs or spend some time with each other, as long as you still feel that you can do things together at work or at school.

Backstabbing can damage and hurt anyone's reputation. Pity, anger, and despair are normal reactions to betrayal and deceit. One day, you're going to look back at that backstabbing episode and learn an important lesson in life: thanks to a backstabber, you now know who your friends are.